The New Beginning
I was 17 and only days away from my 18 birthday when I met Joe. I did not know how old he was but something inside did not care. I thought it was love at first sight. Anyways... I met him through one of my friend. He started coming over my house more and more. My family loved him. He helped my parents with so much. Then on my 18 birthday, we started dating. He was 31 years old. He has two kids, and a great job. Well I didn't know how my family was going to react to all of this but I soon found out. My mom gave me the choice of not seeing Joe or moving out. So I moved. I stayed a few days over Joe and I had to go back to school. I called my dad and he seemed ok with all of it so I went there. Joe and I dated. Seeing each other more and more. Then when I stopped going to school my dad got mad.
Joe and I talked it over and not even a month of knowing each other, I moved in with him. Then it all changed. He didn't want me to go to school because I was going to cheat on him, if I got a job it had to be one with only women. I thought that it was bad enough when he started hitting me.
He used to be great in the morning before he went to work, but when he was away from me, I was a bitch, a whore and a slut. I belonged on the streets. Well at least that is what he thought.
I’m not a fighter, nothing close to one. He knew it. when he use to come home take me by my hand into the bedroom.... start yelling at me for everything that went wrong in his day and grab me and choke me, throw me onto the bed and say that that is what I deserve. For some reason I believed it.
3 months went by and I could not stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I lost 35 lbs within that time. I couldn't take it anymore so I moved home. I found a great job, lost most of my friends and had my family back but I missed him. I had this empty feeling inside that wouldn't go away.
After being home 3 months, I made some dumb reason to call him up. Hearing his voice put a smile on my face. When I called him he said he would call right back. 10 minutes later, he called. He said that he was dating someone but they just broke up because of me.
He said that he missed me and that he loved me. He wanted me to come over that night but I was leaving to go to Ohio. So I said when I got home I would. Everyday 10-15 times a day we talked. Not about another relationship but about the mistakes he made the first time. Well I got home and finally went to see him. I wanted to cry so much. I asked him why he abused me. He said because I loved you so much. I use to get so mad - but, he said that he went and was getting help for it. Which shocked me.
But within about a week my dad kicked me out, took my car and gave me 10 minutes to pack a bag. A part of me understood why he was doing this but then I did not. I took a car to Joes and again I was back living with him. Started off just friends then dating again. And back to the abuse. But it was so much worse because he couldn't keep and eye on me like before. I was working at a golf resort 50 hours a week. So I was cheating on him again... well at least that what Joe said.
One day I came home from work and I forgot to call him and tell him that I was leaving. I walked in the door took off one shoe.... he grabbed me by my hair, throw me into the dinning room table, picked me up and throw me into the bathroom doorway. Grabbed me by my neck and throw me in the bed. I rolled off the bed and on to the floor. He sat on top of me and said that I didn't go to work that day. He called and someone said that I wasn't there. He said that he was going to kill me because I was cheating on him. Punched me repeatedly in my face, stood up and just kicked me. I lost count of how many times.
I had to call off of work for a few days. He broke six of my ribs, and caused me to have a miscarriage. I some times blame myself for the miscarriage because I didn't tell him about it. But I know that if someone loves you they will never hit you. I still talk to him some times, but I’m now back home and starting over again.
I wish I put him in jail for everything he’s done to me but I still love him. And no matter how much he’s hurt me I just don't have the heart to do it back.
Well that’s my story. Just remember its not you that’s the cause of the problem... its him! Getting away may seem impossible but its not. You can live without him. There is someone out there that will love you and mean it. Love isn't abuse, and no one should have to go through it.
Amanda, 18 USA,
Special Quote: Say what you mean, and mean what you say!
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