He is Dead, but the Abuse Never Ended
I realized today, I was finally free.
My abuse started back in 2004. It started out just simple, I didnt even know I was being hurt. He took control quickly after we met. He engraind the fear of his voice in my mind. I knew I had rules to follow but they changed each day.
I remember the first time hit me. I had just gotten off work and he picked me up and drove to get my son from his ex-wife who was my sons babysitter. When we arrived I played with my 6 month old child for a bit. I was tired and just wanted to go home. He wanted to go to a friends house to visit and I didn't. The man's home he wanted to go to had hit on me several times and I didn't trust him. I told him I wasn't going and that I wanted to go home and get some rest. He got mad and dragged me to his car and forced me in and sped towards our home all the time cussing me. When we arrived he dragged me out of the car and into the house where he slapped me and punched me around. All the time saying I had no right to question him front of his family. After he was done he raped me. After I took a shower I asked if I could go get my son and he acted as if nothing ever happened. I remember how filthy I felt.
That was just the beginning of what was to come. I left several times. Signed an EPO / DVO and all but I always went back. I was raped often and that was how my youngest child was concieved. He tried to run over me, he tried to slice my throat, he threw me while I was pregnant, He broke broom sticks over my back, he set me on fire, threw chairs at me. Most of the time he new that if I died so would his only child and it prevented him from killing me. I soon knew what his emotions were gonna be by just looking at him and I grew scared of his voice.
Finally I got the courage to press charges and left him for good. I went to a safe house and hid in fear that he would find me. Finally I had started to get control over my life as I had started dating a guy and decided that I would not allow him to control my life anymore.
The police went to arrest him on the charges that I had filed. Only he didn't want to go. He was armed and dangerous and he started shooting at the police officers. They shot back and killed him. He had always told me he would kill me if he couldn't have me. I firmly belieave that if I had been there that day, I would not be writing this today.
Even though he is dead, the abuse continues a year later, not psyically but mentally. I am married and my husband has to watch what he does or says or I start remembering what happened. I cannot handle sudden movements by him or I flinch. I will constantly fear my husband even though he treats me like a queen.
But today on my abusers birthday I vow that I will finally be free and start working towards my freedom from him.
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